The Pit of Pat

Holy shit, just got in the door as last week’s highlights started. Not that I made it home from work on time for the 8:00 showing. Nope. For the first time since CNTM began I was forced to miss it at its regular time on account of work. So now I’m watching the second-class ghetto Pacific time zone version, like I’m some sort of silver-spoon Socialist blowing my trust fund on BC bud and vinyl I never listen to. Or worse, like an Albertan.

The girls got a vintagey euro photoshoot, Trent Reznor style, I guess, except without the edge. The make-up and hair was pretty awesome, and the gothic environs kind of worked, but it was sort of lost by the fact that we know how much lolling these girls do. They got to take shots with a pretty cool falcon, but I don’t think anybody really paid too much attention to how neato they could’ve worked that angle. It was all over and done with pretty quickly, with lots of Sima - her presence is growing both on the show and on this blog…

Disturbed during the commercials by my mother and cousin showing off marker tattoos and an animatronic frog singing ‘What a Wonderful World’. And I thought I was cracked. I’m pretty sure the Sisi/Tenika war is about to get its blow up on. Tenika was blow drying all night, and Sisi wasn’t gonna take it no mo’s. And here it goes, the beeping and the yelling and the insanity, and you gotta love it when Tenika goes insane, because she’s still got that CBC accent, but she’s going insane. Sisi actually looks good today, which is kinda funny, cause she doesn’t normally. The compromise is that Tenika is going to blow her hair until 1:30 am, and Sisi is going to take some sleeping pills and go to sleep. I was hoping for a full blown bitch brawl, but I guess that’ll do.

Jeanne Beker brings it on, with Michael Gross - the guy who tells it like it is. He’s written a couple books, and in them he doesn’t disguise the fact that the world of modeling is disgusting. You are a clotheshanger, exceptionally disposable. Men, drugs and money are the biggest problems with that particular world, especially since most models, unfortunately, are giant fetuses in the brain department.

So here comes the day’s challenge, a media attack, both print style and TV style. Let’s see how the girls do when they have to think on their feet. Andrea’s still super confident, which is funny because, well, she’s got little to nothing going on. Ylenia did great, speaking Italian, Spanish and English means she can express herself fairly well. Tenika, well, she didn’t do so hot dealing with Gross’ flattery. At least she did better than Alanna, whose “I don’t know’s” and “uhhhhs” were pretty sad, making me think she may get the boot this week. I won’t even be so sorry to see her go. Brandi does what Alanna should’ve done instead of blanking - lie, lie, lie. In exactly the same way that inarticulate Americans ran through the gamut of movie-dialogue cliches post-9/11, Brandi decided to just say what was expected of her, despite it having no semblance to anything based in reality. Sisi makes her own clothes, which explains why she’s always looking off, mind you as mentioned she looked pretty good today.

Ylenia really impressed Michael, and Sisi really impressed Jeanne. Mostly because Jeanne likes someone who stirs things up. Both of them got books and gift certificates for a cool Victoria shop. More eviction notices when the girls get home, and they get closer, and closer. Unfortunately Brandi’s disgusting body boogying on an alcohol-induced bender makes me want to kick her right in the teeth. Again. As I down my pomengranate and blueberry juice during the commercials I have to wonder how far the winner of CNTM will go, or the winners for any of the X’s Next Top Model. Do they ever last in the industry? Do they blow their cash and get the hell out of their? Do they end up snorting coke off a dead chihuahua in a Lisbon prison? I bet they don’t end up working 12 hour days outputting newspapers from places they’ve never even heard of and having nightmares about PDFs that won’t print. I wouldn’t wish that Hell upon any stupid-dumb bitches.

Alanna’s still so hot in her little Puma tee, it’s going to suck to see her go. Unless Andrea gets the boot for least noticeable. At the judging, it’s media war part deux. Bright lights and prepared questions, tough questions, and let’s see how they do. Andrea does an okay job, smoothing over her bitterness at having been teased so much. Ylenia did great as always. Tineka’s ambition may lead to her being discarded. Brandi’s dumb-as-a-post ego doesn’t help so much, especially when she tries not to bawl all the time. Alanna, well, she’s shy, she’s not overly bright, but she’d be the greatest girlfriend next door, like, but omg, she’s so, like shy. Sisi has a decent go, her English is kinda odd, imagine that.

Brandi took a pretty great shot, nailing a shot that’s very unlike her regular shiz. Tenika’s digging her own grave, mentioning how she could’ve been in the law field and well on her way, but she dropped out and became this single-minded fashion entity. Her intensity is there, but there’s nothing genuine about her, which might be her fatal flaw. No one can believe a goddamned thing that comes out of her mouth. Sisi gets props for being such an oldmo - at 23 she’s so beyond all the lmao’ing, she’s moved on to a general state of lollerkazi. Her shot was great - very surreal and exceptionally cool. Alanna took a great shot too, very strange and eerily sexy. Andrea’s super improved, but I think that’s just her modeling part, her personality is still super-vulnerable. Ylenia took a great picture, quintessentially Hitchcockian in her use of the weird classic looking set. There were no fugly shots this time, Tenika’s was meh, but that’s kind of a good thing. It means that she may be in the bottom two with Alanna, and they may even kick her ass off for good. That would mean no final showdown between her and Sisi (who’s most likely going to be in the top two with Ylenia) but we’ll have to see what the judges do.

Jeanne nailed Andrea’s problem with: “I still feel she’s a little girl, dressed up like a lady.” That and she can’t walk. She’s become attached to the girls though, and it’s getting hard to give one the cold, northern Manitoba boot. Brandi’s still in, even though she needs to have a personality adjustment, preferably with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. Sisi’s of course a-ok. Alanna surprises me by not ending up in the bottom two! Andrea neitha, dubya-tee-eff. Ylenia and Tenika in the bottom two? Ylenia rocks the casbah, even though she’s 20% old man. Tenika, however, being 100% biatch, should get the slap back to reality. And it’s sayanora Tenika, getcho ass back to someplace else. Anywhere. Just get out. Please. You’re a freak. “Actually I did expect to be eliminated today.” Uh-huh. Her true ability to take an excellent photograph didn’t come out. She left a ton of notes, and in the end she treated her getting kicked off the show like the best career move she could ever have chosen. She should write press releases for the NDP.

Well that’s it, next on CityTV is Peter Pan, the one with Draco Malfoy’s father as Hook and several exceptionally disturbing pedo undertones which creeped out Mom and I when we went to see it years ago. It’s especially unsettling now that I know she’s playing Laure. Anyway, since it’s fairly late now due to the resulting delay of burning my eyes out in front of a CRT in order to run home and burn them out on both an LCD and an old Panasonic picture tube. Christ, I think I might just head back to work now and get an early start on tomorrow, or possibly put my head in the oven. Until the weekend heals us, good night.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 28th, 2006 at 11:17 pm and is filed under Archived. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.